The next time you find yourself in an argument, here are some things to remember. First, facts don’t trump beliefs. If there’s a disagreement, it’s likely to be about what the parties believe, and not about any one point of fact. Simply put, we are “wired” to receive facts that support our beliefs, and to discard those that don’t. And if that point isn’t powerful enough, consider this. When we press facts that are contrary to a defensive belief system, they only serve to make that belief system stronger! Do yourself a favor, and give that one some very deep thought. People have a serious investment in their sense of mastery and self-esteem, which brings me to the second point. If people feel competent and good about themselves, then they are more likely to accept new ideas. It’s a profound knowing that building people up makes them receptive to new information, while proving them wrong closes their minds. The question of whether you would rather be “right” or “effective” is quite wise to ask, and the bottom line is this. Argument to the detriment of relationship will always be foolish, so try to think of it this way. If you passionately build others up, then they just might grow curious about your point of view!

Simple Encouragement and Simply Encouraging are Trademarks of Simple E Creations, Inc.

Are you unrealistically positive in your self-perceptions? Do you view the future in an overly optimistic way? Does your sense of control over circumstances seem greater than reality might dictate? If you answered “Yes” to these questions then you’re probably more caring, productive, and satisfied than the average person. Yes, “positive illusions” are good for us and to create them, we have to “spin” small portions of “fact” into “semi-related fiction”. To “spin” is the tendency to control our narratives in order to portray things in a favorable light, but here’s the key. We have to stand “as if” we are in the shoes of our “created realities” without completely losing the “as if” quality. Happy people consult regularly with their inner “spin doctors”, so perhaps it’s time to schedule a series of visits with yours! “Dr. Spin” will remind you that imagination blended with large doses of positive anticipation is a powerful force. Go ahead, “Spin it, believe it, and make it real!” Feels kind of good, doesn’t it.

Simple Encouragement and Simply Encouraging are Trademarks of Simple E Creations, Inc.

One of my favorite personal quotes is, “True love is curious, and cares to the point of action”. This is because I think of love as a verb, so in my mind, love has two action qualities. First, true love searches souls with incredible curiosity. You know, kind of like headlights cutting through the darkness of a misty night, revealing all kinds of unseen things. Another word for this is “cherishing”. Second, true love connects with others in a spirit of loving engagement. It takes action in words or deeds. True love is an attitude of loving engagement, so it not only notices, but it also wades in and gets its hands dirty! Everyone thinks of themselves as a “loving person”, but here’s the test. At the end of any given day, can you look back over your shoulder and find love’s revelation in the terrain that you covered? Begin to do this exercise, and make a list each evening. As the list begins to grow, your sense of personal significance and worth will skyrocket to incredible heights! I promise.

Simple Encouragement and Simply Encouraging are Trademarks of Simple E Creations, Inc.

My life is blessed with the oxymorons of “quiet excitement”, “routine change”, and “unmeasured productivity”. Have you ever experienced “quiet excitement”? Sure you have. How about the last time you took a spoonful of your richest, favorite ice cream? Mmmmm, “quiet excitement”! How about “routine change”? I live a seemingly dull routine of consulting with people hour after hour after hour. But every new hour is fresh, bringing me face-to-face with diverse, unique, and exciting folks who have the most wonderfully creative challenges in the universe! That’s right, “routine change”. Consider “unmeasured productivity”. I love the feeling of just expressing my passion without an artificial standard. The outcomes are always grand, and beyond measure. I love oxymorons because they create life-changing, “life lessons” in two simple words. Please “slow down” to ponder “quiet excitement”, “routine change”, and “unmeasured productivity”. I bet it will “speed up” your life in delightfully refreshing ways! And don’t stop there. Feel free to create your own oxymorons to live by. I mean, wouldn’t you like to be an oxymoron too?

Simple Encouragement and Simply Encouraging are Trademarks of Simple E Creations, Inc.

I go to my office and work very hard. Day by day, I pour myself out. I simply love the sacred place that others grant me in their journeys to healing and growth. As with most people, an invitation into the heart of another brings out incredible diligence within me. At times, I can feel a bit weary, but I press on, because this is what we do in cherishing relationships. As I readied myself for another day, I received “the call”. Our office had no power! In fact, the cable coming into the building set on fire, and it was burned out. After a flurry of phone calls and emails, I had plenty of time to ponder the message in the event. No matter how aware that we think we are, it’s likely that we’re spending too much energy, and going into debt. Oh, the signs are always there if we dare to notice. Those loving invitations to pull back into balance are always whispering, but the voice is subtle. Yes, the voice is gentle until one day the call comes, and there’s no power. The cable bringing new life into our souls has burned out! How are you doing today? Take a few deep breaths and give it some thought. Perhaps a respite today will prevent “the call” tomorrow.

Simple Encouragement and Simply Encouraging are Trademarks of Simple E Creations, Inc.

From where I write at my desk, I look out of the window at beautiful treetops, clear blue sky, and bright sunshine. It’s truly a wonderful scene. Looking down, I see a small turnaround lane for emergency vehicles, and it bothers me when people occasionally park there. I think it’s because it detracts from the nature view, as well as the practical reason for its existence in the first place. As I was working, I noticed a car parked right there; you got it, in the emergency lane! I wrote, struggled with the car, wrote some more and then struggled even more in an ever-deepening cycle of distraction over “those inconsiderate people”. I mean, after all, what if my house was burning down or something! I finally got up (perhaps to discover if I could smell smoke or see flames) when I heard some voices coming from downstairs. It turns out that my wife was talking with a friend who had come to visit, and get this; it was the friend who had left her car parked “right there” in the middle of my serenity! And to add insult to injury, it turns out that we were the infamous “inconsiderate people” of my misguided imagination. I thought to myself, “Thomas, you’re sure a ‘funny’ person”, but wait! Before you entertain even one more thought, please allow me to interject that I think you’re “funny” too! Hey, we’re all “funny” people. I’m ever-learning to simply relax and “enjoy the ride” with all of my “funny” friends. Care to join us?

Simple Encouragement and Simply Encouraging are Trademarks of Simple E Creations, Inc.

When I work with groups, I often do an exercise in “Proactive Self-Definition.” It’s a moving experience that helps people become more aware of the inner guides that shape their lives. I ask people to think of that one person from over the span of their entire lifetime that they would most like to be like. I love to watch the reflections in their eyes, and waves of emotion crossing their faces as they arrive upon the “one.” 

I then ask them to give me five descriptive words or phrases that would tell me how this “most special person” treated them. I often hear adjectives like “loving,” “gentle,” and “caring.” Typical comments are “They really knew and believed in me,” “They were always there in the tough times,” and “They accepted me, no matter what.” Very often I hear these people described as “heroes,” “angels,” and yes, “leaders”. 

”Isn’t that interesting? The people that these folks are subtly patterning their lives after didn’t necessarily have important titles, big salaries, or large offices with degrees on the wall. Many of these leaders had no semblance of authority whatsoever yet, years later, they continue to wield great influence in the lives  of those that they touched. 

There’s a term for this kind of leading influence, and it’s called Simply Encouraging Leadership. The ability to influence someone’s highest expression over time is the essence of this unique form of love. Simply Encouraging Leaders cherish people in the context of intimate relationships. Rather than standing above others, they seek to know, and to be known. It’s through this knowing that Simply Encouraging Leaders not only cheer up and praise, but speak “life to potential, healing to pain, and light to darkness” for those around them. Because they genuinely love, Simply Encouraging Leaders are able to bring “life, healing, and light” to the hearts of those entrusted to their care. 

Simply Encouraging Leaders walk with the people they lead, shoulder-to-shoulder, and they are prone to see more in others than they see in themselves. They build people up in a way that brings out their hidden talents and gifts, and they are present in ways that heal limiting emotional wounds. These “heroes” offer acceptance and grace that breaks the bondage of shame that creates a glass ceiling on the expression of one’s greatest spirit. 

What I am describing is a worldview that I call “Simple Encouragement®,” and Simply Encouraging Leaders do it instinctively. Through this special way of being and relating, Simply Encouraging Leaders leave behind “giants” that change the world, and their only legacy may be a “sacred home” in the hearts of a handful. And if you really think about it, that’s a legacy that would leave anyone resting in a very sweet peace. 

Simple Encouragement and Simply Encouraging are Trademarks of Simple E Creations, Inc.

He said, “I’m not going to let the little things get in the way of my doing the big things.” I knew her well enough to believe that she was thinking, “And I’m not going to let the big things get in the way of my doing the little things.” Now whether this was leading up to a difficult standoff, or if it was the beginning of a successful collaboration, I’ll leave to your imagination. Whether we tend to see the big picture or the minute details of our situations is a matter of individual “wiring”. Some people see a glass of champagne, while others count and analyze the bubbles! We will always have the extremes, and everything in between, but here’s the question. Do you choose up sides and dispute the differences, or do you realize that all around you is a perfect team that can handle every aspect of every dream that you ever want to achieve? I know that sometimes our dreams, goals, and challenges can make us feel overwhelmed and alone, but if you look around with anticipation, hidden resources will reveal themselves at every turn. I believe that, do you?

Simple Encouragement and Simply Encouraging are Trademarks of Simple E Creations, Inc.

There’s a special sunlight that wants to shine through our lives to warm others, but we’re in charge of the “cloud cover”. On some days we can be “hazy”, letting people know the sun is there, but that it won’t be breaking through our fuzziness. This creates a state of “gloomy”. On stressful days, we can be “dark and stormy” complete with thunder and lightening. This leaves people to wonder if the sun exists at all, since it creates a state of “angst”. On better days, we can be “fair and bright” accentuating the sun with a contrast of deep blue sky and billowy white clouds. This creates a state of “let’s go outside and play!” Look over the days ahead and forecast the conditions that you want to create. Like the proverbial “weather man”, you won’t be perfect in your predictions, but you’ll have more “clear and sunny” days if you take the time to make a forecast! Remember, a special light wants to shine through you providing warmth to the world, and that’s a very special mission. Help those around you to be bright! They are your reflection.

Simple Encouragement and Simply Encouraging are Trademarks of Simple E Creations, Inc.

You know that you’ve arrived when you become a verb. Of course, a verb is a word that expresses an action defining the connection between two or more people. Being a positive and proactive verb is a wonderful thing since “verbs” tend to leave endearing legacies. I used to be Thomas, but thanks to the social medium called Twitter, that has changed. When I actually get voice-to-voice with someone I meet in the “Twitter Stream”, I’m just as likely to say, “Hello, I’m Encouraging” as I am to say, “I’m Thomas”. You see, my “handle” on Twitter is @Encouraging, and that’s what I do over there. As the noun Thomas, I certainly exist with some interesting roles and job descriptions but when all is said and done, just what is a “Thomas” anyway? You see, nouns lack the deeper being or essence of a verb, so I’m thrilled to have become Encouraging! As Encouraging, I am the principal player at Simple E Creations, Inc. and the sole brain trust of the concept, brand, and worldview called Simple Encouragement®. Simple Encouragement is a simply encouraging way of being that relates to people by speaking life to potential, healing to pain, and light to darkness. As Encouraging, I stimulate others to grow, heal, and become real in their day-to-day humanity. Sometimes we encourage others when we nudge them from their stagnant noun-roles into the vibrant essence reserved only for “verbs”. Have some fun discovering the verb-essence of others, and then give them a new name! You’ll see them morph into dynamic change-agents and if you think it through, that makes you a significant voice for positive change in the world!

Simple Encouragement and Simply Encouraging are Trademarks of Simple E Creations, Inc.