The next time you find yourself in an argument, here are some things to remember. First, facts don’t trump beliefs. If there’s a disagreement, it’s likely to be about what the parties believe, and not about any one point of fact. Simply put, we are “wired” to receive facts that support our beliefs, and to discard those that don’t. And if that point isn’t powerful enough, consider this. When we press facts that are contrary to a defensive belief system, they only serve to make that belief system stronger! Do yourself a favor, and give that one some very deep thought. People have a serious investment in their sense of mastery and self-esteem, which brings me to the second point. If people feel competent and good about themselves, then they are more likely to accept new ideas. It’s a profound knowing that building people up makes them receptive to new information, while proving them wrong closes their minds. The question of whether you would rather be “right” or “effective” is quite wise to ask, and the bottom line is this. Argument to the detriment of relationship will always be foolish, so try to think of it this way. If you passionately build others up, then they just might grow curious about your point of view!

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